


you taught me the courage of stars before you left (how light carries on endlessly even after death)

by hearden



Series: Lux Aeterna [1]
Category: Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Power Rangers, Power Rangers (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, F/F, Grid Theory, cameos from other rangers as well, it's grid theory if u squint and i'm always squinting tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-21 02:31:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11934468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hearden/pseuds/hearden
Summary: Before Trini becomes a Power Ranger, she dreams of a life she never lived and meets the same girl twice.(aka the reincarnation au that nobody asked for but that i've always wanted)





	you taught me the courage of stars before you left (how light carries on endlessly even after death)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [emilyrambles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilyrambles/gifts).



> [throws up hands] idk what this is but today (august 28th) is power rangers' birthday so here
> 
> featuring cameos from the best pr season ever and then... that one
> 
> i honestly don't know if this is like... an AU of the legacy universe or an AU that stands on its own but like u can take it either way bc it works as both
> 
>  **warnings:** minor mentions of death since it is reincarnation so yeah

The dreams begin when Trini is young, too young to understand what they mean or why she has them.

Her nights are plagued by people, places, and _monsters_ she doesn't recognize, but when she wakes, their names come to her tongue as clear as day -- she doesn't dare say them out loud, though, in fear of bringing her demons to life.

Nothing works to make her sleep easier at night, even though her family tries and tries with doctor appointment after doctor appointment, visits to specialists, and even a series of sleep studies at one point that sends Trini's anxiety through the roof.

Even when her brothers curl up next to her in bed, the nightmares don't stop.

Sometimes, they turn into dreams of normal things -- a group of best friends, a youth center where they go to hang out, piles of schoolwork in her bedroom, a decade that she was only barely born into.

It never lasts, though.

 

* * *

 

When she is eleven, she stops growing, which is… unfortunate. Everyone else in her grade towers over her, even most of the other girls, and it makes her a flat-out target.

Joseph Ellis, the school bully, dangles her yellow backpack that her mom had just bought her last week -- even though she doesn't even really _like_ yellow -- unfairly high above her head while his friends jeer on as Trini jumps and tries to reach it.

Something takes over -- a fight-or-flight instinct that she didn't even know she had -- and Joseph is on the ground, groaning in pain, and Trini vaguely remembers hooking her foot behind his left knee.

She gets morning detention for a day, and Joseph gets off scot-free.

 

* * *

 

Her parents take her and her brothers to the county fair every now and then, but it's in the summer after 7th grade that something changes.

Trini stands in front of a basketball booth and hands the man behind the counter five dollars for three tries. Her brothers are elsewhere at the fair, dragging her parents on the plethora of kid rollercoasters that they're allowed on.

So much noise floods the air from the crowds and the machinery, but Trini blocks it out.

She takes a deep breath and thinks about all the basketball games she's played with friends she never had.

Only the man behind the counter sees her make all three shots perfectly, and she triumphantly adds a tiger that's almost as big as one of her brothers to her collection of stuffed animals later that night.

 

* * *

 

Her family moves for the first time the summer before her freshman year, and she has to start high school in a new place.

Harwood County is a beautiful city squared away in southern California; she appreciates the architecture and nature but keeps her head low when she goes to school. Coincidentally, she is not the only new kid, which works out in her favor, and she watches from the sidelines as a boy in a leather jacket holds his chin up high and defiant when the school bullies single him out -- thankfully, instead of her -- and try to get a rise out of him.

 _Take a good look,_ he says, eyes cold, _You see any tears?_

Trini doesn't know him but pride swells in her chest, and for the rest of the day, she thinks about another boy with a warm smile and dark hair who stood up to bullies and saved the world.

 

* * *

 

To pass the time, Trini hikes out to the woods, and that is where she almost gets run over by a daredevil on a bike.

"Watch out!" comes a girl's voice, and she only has a few seconds to react and dive to the side before a bike skids straight through the spot where Trini had been walking. The rider is thrown from her seat and rolls onto her side, coughing and groaning.

The girl throws her pink helmet off, and Trini goes to help her up, pausing when she sees the girl's eyes.

"Wow, you're… really pretty," she says, blurting out the first thing that comes to mind then rushes to correct herself, "Uh, I mean, um, you have really nice eyes."

Not helping.

The girl smiles and _blushes_ , which makes Trini feel like she's going to fall over on the spot, and shakes her head, "Thank you. You're too kind." She gestures at her fallen bike, "Um, I'm sorry for almost running you over."

Trini just mutely shakes her head as if it's okay, which it kinda is.

"Hey, haven't I seen you somewhere? Do you go to Harwood County High?"

"Uh, yeah, I do."

Another smile lights up the girl's face, positively radiant, and she opens her mouth to say something else but is interrupted by a beeping noise from her backpack.

Something stirs in the pit of Trini's stomach; her ears ring with the same six-tone tune that she's tried so hard for years to get down on paper, only to fail miserably.

The girl glances at her backpack then back at Trini, "I have to go, but maybe I'll see you at school?" She scrambles to pick up her helmet and hops back on her bike, calling out as she rides away, "I'm Emma, by the way!"

Trini watches her go, wondering if she runs home fast enough, then maybe she'll get to turn on the TV in time to watch the Pink Ranger fight whatever new fiendish monster is terrorizing the city.

 

* * *

 

The Armada arrives, and everything shuts down.

School is cancelled indefinitely, and between helping the other students and faculty sift through the rubble and going home to watch the news only to see things get worse, Trini is exhausted.

Her brothers are terrified, her parents won't let her leave the house so she sneaks out just to help others, and honestly, she's scared, too.

Her demons have come alive, and with every passing day, it becomes harder and harder to distinguish her reality from the one that she dreams about.

But, somewhere deep inside of her, something won't let go of her heart, and she knows that if she doesn't keep pushing -- that if she just gives up and lays in bed all day, waiting for the apocalypse -- then she'll have failed herself.

 

* * *

 

To get home from the park where the police department has set up a makeshift refugee center, Trini cuts through the woods.

Sometimes, she passes through, hoping she'll see Emma outside of school or even, possibly, the other five that she's deduced to be the other Rangers. They're not exactly subtle, but nobody else seems to have caught on and, to be fair, she has an advantage through a life she's never lived before.

Instead, tonight, she hears a twig snap and stops right in her tracks, clenching her fists at her sides.

"Hello?" she calls out.

Bad idea.

The Xborg tackles her from behind before she even has a chance to react; Trini struggles, limbs flailing, and manages to score a hit, punching the Xborg in the head and giving herself time to get free.

She scrambles to her feet and freezes at the sight of a dozen more Xborgs waiting for her.

"Shit," Trini mutters.

She can run, but she can't outrun a dozen robots -- or whatever they are -- and she can fight, but they're stronger and she could only take them down in her dreams.

An Xborg slowly advances toward her, its buddies trailing behind; Trini backs up for every step it takes in her direction, taking a shaky breath when her back hits a tree.

 _Well,_ she thinks, _I've had an okay life. Definitely could've done more, but--_

An arrow whizzes through the air and impales itself right into the head of leading Xborg. A series of sparks fly from its head as it short circuits then collapses in a heap of worthless scrap metal.

Trini blinks, as equally confused at the other Xborgs, but doesn't dare move for fear of bringing their attention back to her.

Her heart beats wildly in her chest.

Three more arrows rain down from above in rapid succession, taking out three more Xborgs, and then, a woman's voice calls out, "Get down!"

Trini listens and throws herself down to the ground, behind the tree, covering her head with her hands, her mind racing. An explosion booms, filling the air with the sound of crackling metal, and the heat brushes _too_ close for comfort against her back.

She squeezes her eyes shut and waits for the inevitable sting of death, imagining it to feel very much like the terror right before a car finishes crashing.

But, it never comes.

Leaves crunch near her, then in front of her, and the same voice from earlier speaks up, "Hey, you can open your eyes now. You're safe."

The voice is soft, gentle, and with a startling realization, Trini recognizes it from her dreams that blurred into nightmares.

Hesitantly, she opens her eyes and blinks at the woman crouched down in front of her. Her mouth falls open. It hardly seems like a day has passed -- of course, there are lines around the woman's eyes where there weren't before, her face is significantly older, and her hair is tied back in a longer ponytail.

The black-and-pink bow in her hand and the quiver on her back are new, too, but familiar.

The woman squints at her in the dim moonlight. "What's the matter?" she asks, voice heavy with concern that makes Trini's heart ache, "You look like you've just seen a ghost."

"I…" Trini trails off, not knowing what to say. To have spent all her years wondering and wanting answers, only to be left with more questions, now, when she finally has something close to an answer in front of her.

"I don't know," she finally says, and it sounds exactly like the truth.

Setting her bow down, the woman fishes a small flashlight out of her pocket and clicks it on, looking at Trini and waiting for her answer, "I'm just gonna check to see if you have any internal head trauma. Is that alright?"

Trini sluggishly and mutely nods.

The light is shined into her eyes, and everything must check out because the woman nods to herself and puts her flashlight away.

"What's your name?" the woman asks.

In her mind, Trini goes back to a meeting in the beginning of high school -- not in Harwood County, but in Angel Grove. A girl who wanted to be a gymnast, who had a heart too big for her small frame.

As far as Trini can see, that girl hasn't grown any since Trini last saw her, and her heart is still just as big.

Her hands shake, and she digs her nails into the dirt to keep them still.

Holding her breath, she lies through a clenched jaw.

"Audri."

She's not sure if the woman can tell if she's lying -- probably -- but there's no change in her demeanor as she smiles softly at Trini.

"It's nice to meet you, Audri," the woman says, tilting her head, "I'm Kimberly."

 

* * *

 

When the invasion is long over, her family moves, and Trini leaves the rumors of an army of Power Rangers taking down the Armada behind. She packs all of her things into boxes and takes them with her.

The only thing she doesn't take with her to Amber Beach is her thoughts of Kimberly.

 

* * *

 

Amber Beach is noticeably quieter than Harwood County, seeing as there's no alien invasion this time around. Still, Trini keeps her head down and begins her sophomore year as quietly as she can.

She waits for the worst to happen because, if her nights are any indication, the worst always happens when things are going just right.

But, nothing does.

 

* * *

 

Her parents have been on edge since leaving Harwood, so she texts them to let them know she's taking her brothers to the museum after school so that they won't come home and worry that all three of their children have gone missing.

It's a little suffocating, but Trini finds it understandable.

She and her brothers, all bundled up, trudge through the cold winter air and make it to the dinosaur museum without freezing their faces off. Once they're inside, her brothers immediately drag her to the cafe, wanting to warm up with some hot chocolate and Bronto Burgers.

Shelby's the waitress they end up seeing the most, and today, she's the one serving them as usual.

"Enjoy your meal," she says with a smile when she drops off their food, but Trini is too busy staring at the table, trying so hard not to think about how she hasn't slept well for ages and when everything will just _stop._ "Hey," Shelby taps her shoulder once, and Trini flinches, "Sorry, I just wanted to know if you're okay?"

It sounds more like a question than a statement.

Her brothers have already occupied themselves with their food and are too distracted to notice anything. Trini meets Shelby's eyes, and something clicks inside of her -- a sense of trust that always seems to come and go.

"You ever feel like your life could be so much more?" she asks, quietly.

Shelby purses her lips and casually shrugs, "Yeah, all the time. I'd rather be going out on digs than working in here. I mean, not in this weather right now, obviously, but you get the point."

Shaking her head, Trini waves a hand, "I didn't mean like that… Forget it."

With a thoughtful frown on her face, Shelby stops and looks at her, a little bit more seriously, "You mean like… feeling like you're destined for greatness?"

"Yeah, something like that," she nods, slightly, "Except it kinda feels like I missed that train and I know it's not coming back around for me."

 

* * *

 

When they leave Amber Beach, it's not because of monsters or aliens or whatever but, rather, because her dad got a promotion that requires him to move.

Trini doesn't want to, but she packs her bags for home, anyway.

 

* * *

 

Within weeks of starting her junior year at Angel Grove High, she finds four things to stay away from, and their names are Jason, Billy, Zack, and Kim.

Thankfully, she doesn't have classes with any of them, and Jason and Kim appear to be in entirely different social circles from her and are very, very unlikely to say a word to her.

This time, being the invisible new girl actually helps for once.

 

* * *

 

Angel Grove makes her too uneasy; she walks its streets like a ghost, feeling so oddly out of place but, at the same time, right at home.

It's not quite the same as she remembers it from her dreams, so Trini spends her days and nights exploring the outskirts of town when she's not in school.

She makes it up to the mountains once and to the road that curves through it, accompanied by a railing to keep drivers safe. There's an aching in her heart, and her brain buzzes with needle anxiety, yet she keeps walking.

By the time Trini reaches that _one_ turn, her whole body is trembling, and sweat trickles down her neck and back, even though the forecast for the day was cool breezes all around.

She grips the steel railing, her knuckles turning white.

 _They fixed everything up pretty nicely,_ she thinks, staring out over the rocky drop below her.

 _You can't even tell someone died_ _here._

 

* * *

 

There is a hill that she climbs up in the mine, where she goes to clear her head and meditate.

The first time she'd gone up there, her body had frozen over in fear so badly that she collapsed to her knees in confusion.

Trini's never been afraid of heights, but someone else had been.

 

* * *

 

Meditating isn't her thing.

Death metal, however, is, so she makes a compromise.

 

* * *

 

Against her best efforts, about a year after moving to Angel Grove, she ends up in the back of a minivan with the four people she wanted to avoid the most.

 

* * *

 

The train crashes into them, and Trini jolts awake in bed the next morning, expecting metal to be jutting out from a gaping hole in her chest. She doesn't know if she's disappointed or relieved that there isn't.

Her answer lies somewhere in the hours she spends next to the toilet, vomiting and shaking, for the rest of the day.

 

* * *

 

She keeps running.

From Kim and the others.

From Zordon and Alpha 5.

Her heart sinks when the metal door slams shut in her face, and Alpha 5 calls them over.

The other four are completely unaware, but Trini knows. She knows everything, and she knows that if she doesn't keep running and get out of here, she will lose them again.

 

* * *

 

Rita looks different in this nightmare, but the terror Trini feels is exactly the same as the kind she's felt every night for the past decade of her life.

"So, let me guess," Trini says, trying to keep her voice from wavering, "You want us to kill this woman? R-Rita?"

It's the first time she's said the name of one of her demons out loud, and her heart drops straight to the bottom of her stomach.

"She must be stopped," Zordon -- not her Zordon, but _a_ Zordon -- says.

Kim bristles beside her, "When is she coming?"

"She's already here," Alpha 5 pipes up, his tinny voice echoing off of the walls of the… well, it's not _the_ Command Center, but it's something to Trini, "My best guess is we have eleven months." He pauses then shakes his head, "Oh, I'm sorry, _days._ Days, eleven days."

Trini makes a choked noise in her throat.

She can't do this again. She can't _go_ through this again.

"If… if we're the Power Rangers and this is _our_ ship," she asks, looking at Zordon, "If I walk through that door right now, will it open for me?"

"Yes, of course," Zordon replies.

She turns and runs before the last syllable is even out of his mouth.

 

* * *

 

No matter how many times Trini tries to throw her power coin in the trash or stab it with a kitchen knife that night, it pops right back up in her pocket, unharmed, and, with it, comes the names of more demons she'd hope to forget.

_Rita, Goldar, Finster, Baboo, Squatt._

She looks at herself in the mirror, breathing shallowly.

_Tommy._

"What does this have to do with us?" she asks her mirror self. Her chest heaves, uncertainly.

_Zedd._

Trini bites her lower lip, sighs, and makes a decision.

 

* * *

 

When the battle is over and they're all alive and somewhat well, Trini looks out of the cockpit of the Megazord's right arm and thinks she sees two familiar faces in green and pink in the crowd below, but when she blinks, they're gone, and she chalks it up to seeing ghosts.

 

* * *

 

A little over a month later, Kim is in her bedroom, the door is closed and locked, and she's uncertain as always.

Kim kisses her for the first time with this gentle hesitance that breaks Trini's heart. When she pulls away, her brow furrows at the tears on Trini's cheek, and she rubs them away with her thumb.

"Did I- Are you okay? Was that- was it okay?" Kim asks, her face plainly showing her worry and concern.

Trini chokes back words about a girl with a heart too big for her body.

"No, it was fine… I, uh, I'm just glad I didn't miss my chance this time," she responds, hands shaking. She's afraid that if she looks down at her own body, she'll see blood and twisted car parts.

Confusion flashes over Kim's features, "This time?"

She thinks about a million things that have passed between them through time and space, friendly touches and hugs, nights spent studying together or gossiping about boys, leaving for the World Peace Conference, international phone calls, postcards in the mail -- all secrets that she'll never tell -- and leans in to kiss Kim again, murmuring against her lips, "It's nothing, don't worry about it."

**Author's Note:**

> title from Saturn - Sleeping At Last which is one of the most og trimberly songs that's ever made me cry
> 
> so many shoutouts:  
> \- every single og trini shoutout  
> \- diff references to the other mmpr kids  
> \- there's a time force reference somewhere  
> \- obvious megaforce and dino charge references  
> \- the original actress for og trini (unaired pilot)


End file.
